5 Thoughts from Narrative Therapy & Applying it to Life
Photo by Hong-Lin Stoffels on Unsplash
With 2019 behind and all of 2020 to pack full of healing, wisdom and adventure, the principles behind narrative therapy seem quite apt when thinking about the stories we tell us about ourselves and the stories we want to tell about our selves.
Funnily enough, it is a little like closing one chapter and starting another, only in narrative therapy you don’t close a chapter, you simply re-author it.
The story we tell about ourselves
The story we tell about ourselves to others are great indicators to how our thoughts. feelings and behaviours work on the inside too. These stories have a big influence in our day to day living, so whether we talk nicely about ourselves or in a critical way, you will find experiences to match either one. This is because we strengthen the current story by prioritising and focusing only on the experiences that match the story we are currently telling about ourselves.
The problem objectified
Moving from the “I am” position to the “I have position” helps reframe the problem so we don’t identify as the problem. For example saying “I have anxiety and this can look like..” as opposed to “I am an anxious person, this creates a clear separation between having a problem and being a problem. When we are having a problem, we can think of solutions and ask for help much easier than when we think we are the problem.
Taking back power over our story
Growing up, many of us would have been told who we were before we figured out who we wanted to be. As we grow into our teenage years, form friendships and get into relationships, we learn to shed some stories we do not identify with, keep ones that do align with us and add more to our identity as we gain more life experience.
Sometimes though, it is easy for us to believe the stories that others tell us about ourselves, even when they may not feel good. Their version of who we are can be internalised and we can be trapped in their version us. Taking back power can include noticing when others say we are a certain way, and deciding for ourselves whether this is our story. If it isn’t then it might be time to take back your story and re-authorise it.
Re-Authoring our Story
If we have noticed that one story has dominated the past year, decade or life and we have been carrying that around with us like an armour or badge and it isn’t a story that helps us move forward or has us feeling stuck, then it is time to re-author our story.
Firstly, it’s important to thank the story for all that it’s given us and acknowledge that you are grateful for the lessons it has taught you but also acknowledging that it no longer serves us. Then it is about figuring out what story does resonate with us best at this point in our life and strengthening it by finding experiences from our past and present that match this e.g. if we wanted to be more confident person then thinking about environments where we have been comfortable and at ease and finding ways to create those again will help re-author our stories.
Happy re-authoring in 2020!